Yellow Flicker Beat
by ReverieNishio
Summary: I am the Mockingjay. I am the red, orange, yellow flicker beat.


Hello! I'm sorry, I just had to get this out of my system. Josh Hutcherson should be given an Oscar, every time I saw Peeta my heart just breaks into pieces. And I already know JLaw was the perfect Katniss, but my respect hits up a notch when she was able to portray the fear and vulnerability of Katniss. It is so frustrating we have to wait up another year for Part 2. Arrrgh.

This is just a drabble/songfic. I love Lorde and she is just perfect for the MJ soundtrack. She's done a great job, don't you think?

PS: This is unbeta-ed, I'll get back on this maybe tomorrow. Let me sleep.

Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins owns THG series. Lines here were indirectly quoted from MJ. The song is not mine either.

* * *

><p><strong><em>This is the start of how it all ends<em>**

I ran back into the woods as soon as Finnick told the crew that I figured out how Snow's using Peeta against me. The roses were a warning, that whatever I do as the Mockingjay will result to Peeta's torture. The path blurs and I felt something wet streaming down my cheeks. I hear people shout my name. But I continue to run. Run to a place where nothing can reach me.

**_We're at the start, the colours disappear_**

I realize the wet stuff was my own tears. My foot got caught up in a vine and I fall forward. I braced myself for the pain, but nothing comes. Perfect. Not even pain can reach me now. I make no effort to stand up. It feels good being numb. I wish it to last even for a little longer.

**_And the scars that mark my body, they're silver and gold_**

Red and pink roses. The sick, sweet stench. I wondered for a moment if there was an earthquake, or maybe an aftershock from the bombings of the Capitol. I press my hands to soil but feel no rumbles. I realize it was me sobbing. I get up on my knees. Peeta being tortured, drowned, burned, lacerated, shocked, maimed, beaten… Whatever they're doing to him right now, I could feel it on my heart. As it breaks, it feels all the thousand pieces cut the blood supply to my veins, the shards implanting on every inner muscle and tissue. Prim was right, Snow would do anything to break me. And he's doing so effectively. I can only try to stop the images in my head, and do my best to think of other things.

**_I'm a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm._**

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am the Mockingjay. Peeta warned us of what the Capitol would do. The Capitol bombed us. District Thirteen is alive and well. But I'm not. Peeta will die because of me. I should have died. It's probably best if I die.

**_And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie._**

I take out Finnick's rope and do knots. Making knots. Making knots. Tick-tock. Do not think of Peeta. Making knots. I cannot perfect my miniature noose. I recall the lyrics of The Hanging Tree. I try to sing it despite of the dryness of my throat. Are you, are you coming to the tree, Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me. Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be if we met up at midnight in the hanging tree. But I knew Snow wouldn't kill him. That would be too generous. He will continue to break Peeta to break me.

**_They used to shout my name, now they whisper it_**

People find me. Several sets of arms embrace me. But I reach out for Haymitch instead, because he's the only person I truly want to comfort me. He's the only person out here who loves Peeta too. He holds me and pats my back saying, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay, sweetheart." I sob on his arms. How pathetic I must seem, the Mockingjay who everyone looks up to for inspiration and strength, now broken and lost and lifeless.

**_And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home_**  
><strong><em>People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes.<em>**

I wake up at a grey room that smells like disinfectant. I feel heavy and light, like I've been given a sleep syrup. Now and then, people would come to check up on me. But I don't understand anything they say. My mind only goes to him. My heart reaches out for him. Nothing they say and don't say matter. It just hurts. I can only close my eyes.

**_I dream all year, but they're not the sweet kinds_**  
><strong><em>And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time<em>**

I roll the pearl between my fingers. Awake or not, I see images of Peeta. My mind involuntarily plays the moments I last saw him: the first interview with Caesar where he's calling for a ceasefire, the second one where he tells me not to be a fool, and the last one where his blood splatters on the tiles as he gave us a warning. I hold myself as I shake, tremble, convulse. Mutts, tracker jackers, mockingjays, hounds, all those creatures that tortured us in the arena are alive in my room, all of them intent on making me miserable. But no, they won't kill me. I remember Finnick saying not to give in. And he's right, it is easier to fall apart, and ten times harder to put myself back together. But I don't know if I_can_ be put back together anymore. Maybe _Peeta can_.

**_And now people talk to me, I'm slipping out of reach now_**  
><strong><em>People talk to me, and all their faces blur<em>**

I go back the dreamless world from time to time. Everything was a blur. I don't want to be the Mockingjay anymore. Everything that I do or say will hurt Peeta. Everything that I've seen in Peeta during the interviews were my fault. I imagine a world where Peeta was not there. Where his voice, his presence, his strong arms that held me during my nightmares, and his startlingly exquisite blue eyes were nonexistent. Then I look around, only to find a pale, gray nothingness around me, in my present and future. My world is a tremendous void.

**_I move through town, I'm quiet like a fight,_**

**_I never watch the stars, there's so much down here_**

I emerge from a world of dark, haunted places where I traveled alone. An exhausted Haymitch sits in the chair by my bed. I remember about Peeta and I start to tremble again. He tells me of the plan to get Peeta out, and Gale volunteering. Why is fate trying to hurl all its stones against me? First, Peeta, and now Gale? I have to do something, I tell Haymitch. He shakes his head but tells me I can shoot another propo for a distraction. This time, I'll use my voice as the Mockingjay to bring him down. An image of President Snow's face pops up in my head and I swear to him that I shall bring him down.

**_But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison_**  
><strong><em>And I'm locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me<em>**  
><strong><em>I'm done with it<em>**

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am the Mockingjay. I was in the Hunger Games. Peeta was taken as prisoner in the Capitol. He may or may not come back. Snow hates me. I hate him. I'll kill him.

**_So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart_**

I am the Mockingjay. I am the red, orange, and yellow flicker beat.

**_And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart_**  
><strong><em>And this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat-beat-beat-beat<em>**

**_-Fin-_**


End file.
